


Trust

by Miri1984



Series: The Heart of Aphrodite 2021 [3]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:34:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29317191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miri1984/pseuds/Miri1984
Summary: Zolf isn't great at people, but that's okay, because Azu is.
Relationships: Azu & Zolf Smith
Series: The Heart of Aphrodite 2021 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2149449
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30
Collections: The Heart of Aphrodite





	Trust

It’s not that he doesn’t trust Azu. It really isn’t. And he tries to tell himself that it isn’t that he doesn’t trust Hamid, either, despite their constant bickering since his return. It had taken a little while for him to remember that there really isn’t anything different in their relationship - the fact that Hamid had been dead had coloured the memories, somewhat, made him forget that half the time he’d spent with Hamid had been spent arguing, trying to make him see his own naivety and privilege, and most of the time failing. 

And it was logical that Hamid would have taken over after he left. Gods, it couldn’t have been Bertie and no matter what he might have wished for, Sasha wasn’t one for leading others into battle. Sasha was much more individually focused, and he could understand that, he could  _ admire  _ that - she’d had so much growing to do and he’d seen some of it in their short time together and the letter had…

… well the letter had shown that he’d been right. 

He’d told himself he wasn’t going to dwell on that. He blinks away tears and swallows down the lump in his throat and reminds himself  _ firmly  _ that she’d had a good life, longer than it would have been here, happier and  _ free. _

It’s Azu that he’s worried about.

It’s a combination of things, at least that’s what he tells himself at first. He’s been better, though, this past year, about pinning down  _ what  _ it is about things that bother him, because if he doesn’t sort his shit out there’s no way any of the other clowns he’s with are going to do it for him. Barnes is too Barnes and Carter is too Carter and he’s not going to put extra burdens on Wilde, not when the man’s shoulders are bowed and he’s too thin and he doesn’t sleep enough as it is. 

So he thinks (or, yes, fine Wilde,  _ broods)  _ about it, during their week in the inn. He isolates himself as much as possible and he thinks it over, tries to work through it with logic and it might make Hamid nervous and Azu worried and Wilde exasperated but he has to come to these conclusions in his own time or there really isn’t any point.

Riding towards Hiroshima is when it finally clicks for him.  _ She’s a paladin.  _ What was it about Hamid, possibly the least religious person Zolf had ever met, that drew him so inexorably to  _ paladins?  _ He knew about Grizzop, of course, bits and pieces of conversation from Wilde as well as from Hamid and Azu, and a paladin of Artemis is a good person to have on your side at a pinch. But Aphrodite? 

He glances towards Azu. So earnest and kind and patient. So very caring of her companions. So good at reading the moods and needs of those around her. Things he’s  _ never  _ been any good at.

She’d seen his pain and his frustration with Hamid and she’d tried to talk him through it, and he’d been rude and he’d been obstructive and he’d been… well he’d been basically himself because he was nothing if not that, but she’d not let that stop her.

He remembers her in Shoin’s institute, hurt and exhausted but defiant as she stood her ground in front of the monster that Zolf had been certain would kill them all, and she’d screamed in its face, and she’d swung her axe with the confidence that only faith and love could give _. _

He presses his lips together and grinds his teeth. 

_ Zolf Smith, you’re an asshole,  _ he says to himself. It’s not Azu he doesn’t trust, it’s gods in general. It’s not Azu he’s angry with, it’s Posdeidon and his stupid deals and vague dreams and vengeful idiocies.

It’s the fact that he’s broken from the gods and somehow he is still powerful and yet they  _ will not leave him alone. _

When Azu moves her horse up beside him he takes in a deep breath, and lets out a long sigh. She’s trying to help. 

He needs to trust in that, he needs to trust in  _ her. _

“Hello, Azu,” he says.


End file.
